Monday, October 31, 2011

#137 The Chronic--Dr. Dre

Newsflash- 12th grade English teacher gets arrested for brandishing a 9mm in her right hand and a .45 in her other hand in front of a stolen shelby on the $outh$ide on Halloween.

Except I had to take the picture in the garage because I don't have dooozzz kinda nutttzzzzz.  plus little kids were asking for candy outside my door.  All I had was chewing gum and lighters.  

So in case you've never seen a picture of me, this is me.  rat-a-tat-tat.  I had to make it black and white so I might look blacker than I really am.  but clearly that didn't work.  I'm black where it counts, mofo.  As irony would have it, I can't really quote anything from the album as a caption because it'll sound racist coming from a white biotch like me.  "I never hesitate to put a nigga on his back" is going to make this picture look white trash in less time than it takes that car to get to 60mph.

But regardless, this is how the album made me feel about 1/2 of the time.  Like I just got off an episode of gangland.  I felt like cruising around blaring "Ain't Nuthin but a "G" thang" but I didn't because I'm a whitey, fulla white guilt, white whines and I have no earthly idea what it would be like to grow up in Compton in 1992.  The closest I get to gang violence is the 17-year-old kid in the back of my class flashing a gang sign when he thinks i'm not looking.  and then drawing the latin king sign, or whatever, on a desk.  in pencil.  

The music is pretty infectious, empowering, and intoxicating.  While at the same time, it's degrading, racist, angry, and sickening.  The amount of little interludes where someone is getting effed in a Dr's office, snoop is asking a woman if deezzz nutttzzz have gotten at her, and kids about 15-20 years old are begging for their lives, only to be ended by the sound of a gun blast--kinda made me want to vomit after a while.  I really couldn't listen to the whole album at once.  I had to take it in short bursts because I'd start out all pumped up and ready to fight someone, and end up drained and exhausted.  Like, who the fuck can be that desensitized to murder, violence against women, and mediocre rap?

I feel completely inadequate to review this album.  Because the only angles I can take are the obvious ones: 1. white girl listens to rap music; 2. pseudo-academic discusses gang violence from up in her ivory tower and quotes different sociological articles about the influence of rap music on urban communities in the early 90s; or 3. Closet Wigger admits rap fetish.

So I thought I'd just do my best to be "real." So...Here are things I learned:
1. Black people think that the year '64 is the best year for the make of cars (**sarcasm disclaimer**)
2. Death row doesn't seem so bad if the alternative is living in Compton
3. The only word I'll always remember from this album is when Snoop Dog says "Dolomite" 
4. Fly Ass Bitches is not a description for a dog humping a donkey covered in flies.
5. Bitches ain't shit is a bad thing.
6. Black people use contraceptives too.

White person questions I honestly have:
1.  what is a chronic?
2.  Am I the only person who didn't know there were wild impalas in california?
3. ok, for real, what is this: rollin' in my '4 with 16 switches
And got sounds for the bitches, clockin' all the riches
Got the hollow points for the snitches?

And if you don't like this blog post, you can tell it to my 9.
What other white people said about "The Chronic" by D.R.E:
When George Clinton first heard hip-hop artists blending old records with new beats, he thought, "Damn, that's pretty tacky." Then Dr. Dre turned samples of Clinton's P-Funk sides into G-Funk, and Dr. Funkenstein approved, calling funk "the DNA of hip-hop and rap." Dre had already taken gangsta rap to the main-stream with his earlier group, N.W.A, but on The Chronic, he funked up the rhymes with a smooth bass-heavy production style and the laid-back delivery of then-unknown rapper Snoop Doggy Dogg. When Dre and Snoop dropped "Nuthin' But a 'G' Thang," there was no getting out of the way.


  1. Chronic is a nickname for really good bud, possibly stemming from the chronic bronchitis you can get from smoking all day everyday. Any reference to Impalas is talking about the car, not the animal. Rollin in his '4 is his car, with 16 switches (switches controlling the hydraulics which make the car bounce and tilt). Clocking all the riches means counting his money, and hollow points are a type of bullet which are particularly deadly and can penetrate a bullet proof vest. Snitches are double crossers or back stabbers.

  2. and the '4 I believe is referencing the four inch lift a lot of people in the hood like to put on the vehicle. Hope this helps :) I enjoyed this entry a lot as someone who has listened to that album countless times. The more you listen to rap the easier it is to understand the lingo.

  3. Actually I think the '4 is just short for '64, the year of his car.

  4. This was thoroughly enjoyable reading, well written and real. I echo your sentiments; and thank you Mr. Beez for educating us on the lingo. I am from California, grew up in the 60's and 70's, and can verify that '64 Impalas are considered the primo car to own not just by blacks but hispanics as well (at least in Nor Cal). However, today to "legally" own one you either have to inherit it, be somewhat wealthy, or perhaps be a Hip Hop icon.